Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in a studio in Cardiff with Eggzy.

Good morning, Mrs. Heavens. This is Rhod Gilbert, live on BBC Radio Wales. For those of you who just, uh, enjoy ... __ those who __ __ may be wondering why, after eight years of saying "Good morning, Mrs. Heavens" just as the track starts, ... may be wondering __ __ abandoned / "I didn't" is the answer. / "Good morning, Mrs. Heavens". I did it. I fulfilled my contractual obligations. I did what I'm here to do. I get paid / that every week / probably only a small amount / little one sentence, but I do say / as normal. I turned up on time. Unfortunately there was a technical issue, which meant / those __ __ looking forward to me saying "Good morning, Mrs. Heavens / deprived of me saying / having said that, I / more now / than ever before / in the last eight years / So, Mr. Eggzy, I think we're back on track. / Hello, Rhod. / Is your mic working? / Mine works. Uh, I haven't said anything yet. I'm just trying words. Uh, this seems to be coming out OK. / __ __ __ I can hear you __ __ what you don't realize here at home is, all the way through, __ track there / every few seconds / technical people say / I was going "Good morning, Mrs. Heavens / I / all the way through the song. ... Possibly, just possibly, you heard all that, and the mic was working, and, actually, every time / Good morning, Mrs. Heavens / you definitely __ __ for money on the "Good morning, Mrs. Heavens" introduction / yeah, 15 times in about three minutes / 15 times / tell you / Wonderful. / this is a ... this is a strong show / great start of the show. Either you haven't heard me saying "Good morning / or / hear me saying / so many times, you probably / switch / over anyway. Uh ... so, what's happening today? Coming up on the show today, ... I've forgotten my file, Eggzy, / because / down in Cardiff, in the studio in Cardiff / doing a bit of editing work experience, Series 5, down in, uh, Newport, uh, where you are from. / Yes. / editing down there. And, uh, I've forgotten my file, uh, that I normally have in the ki ... when I do the show in the kitchen in London, I have a file with lots of bits of newspaper where bits of things are circled / I've got nothing. / I've got some rough ideas, OK? / Have you? / Uh, I've found one story about a boy who tied / dog to himself / hold that back / hold that back. That's a strong contender / also depends on what / it involves high speeds / or something / nothing dangerous. ... It is extreme / It is extreme? Is it? / It is extreme. / OK / extreme / hold that up back / coming up / second half of the show ... after 12 o'clock, at some point. Now / call / __ minutes done. これで最初の 15 分は持ちこたえたといえるだろう。/ OK / I've got another idea, which I sent you the text last night / come through. / I didn't get it. / a concept for a feature called / Psychic Wardrobe / I'll just __ you there / I'll jot it down / OK. Jot it down. We're not going / psychic w__ / that will get people's juices running. They will be amazed / people / juices / it's a new spin ... on the old __ / that get __ juices flowing, but ... juices running, ladies and gentlemen 言ってることは古いが言い方は新しいな。/ have you ever had your juices running before? 8 10 12 / Get involved. / that's feature 3 / juices running

__ __, all the __, back home, this is Rhod Gilbert, live on BBC Radio Wales, still to come, music __ __ your choice, uh, Eggzy, coming up / They let me have one today / they / only / one today? / last time / four / more than one / am I allowed to have more than, uh, one? / just ... she just came back. ... You could have had more, she says. / haven't / I've got an idea. I've got an idea / new / they've got any suggestion for music? / Good. Yeah. / Good one. / Yeah. See? That's a strong response. お、なんか反応してるぞ。/ The production / Kate, the producer, came __ __ genuine anxiety, she says, "Oh, my god / please don't do that / it means they've gotta do something 仕事をさせる気か？/ on Radio Wales / don't let / listener ask for a record / find / look through the box of 45 / four of them in their rack / I guarantee / one broke, one completely snapped / read what it is 何て書いてあるかわからない。/ need to / Anyone Can Fall in Love / two of them / looking for / that's a strong feature for the show. / Uh, is ... do you know what? Let's just see if we can make __ producers do some stuff / here we go / Right? / text ... text in if you want / producers to clean the office. / So far, they couldn't even be bothered to turn the mic on for those four little words. / Just sitting around, eating cakes and chatting / I think we should play / Anyone Can Fall in Love / Dobson / come on / come on / there's nothing else to do / you owe us. You owe us / She's panicking. She's got work to do. / she / pointed out / coming up on this show today, ladies and gentlemen / Anyone Can Fall in Love / yes / still to come / do is, we won't tell / play / drop / so you / have to keep listening / still to come / psychic w__ feature / Strong feature. Yes. / we don't / channeling from the other side / via / w__ / I'm gonna / back / because, inevitably / still to come, all the Eastender__ track / been recorded over the years. Is it ... and I've got two emails from the public. So, / them now / we might as well / there's not much else ほかにやることないし。/ we are hanging by a thread 髪の毛一本でぶら下がってる状態だし。/ hi / from __ in S__ S__" ... uh, he says. Uh ... "Hi Rhod. My daughter's husband ..." I'm hopeless with these things / my daughter / OK. Son in law, innit? / my son-in-law / English / Leave it, __ / Come on. Don't get funny / yeah / he thinks your Suturday morning show is hilarious. He downloads all your programs ..." ... Listen to this. ... Oh, L__. I love __ people ... people accidentally let the cat out of the bag こういうの好きだなあ。うっかり口を滑らせてやんの。/ little things / make you laugh / people, what are they like? / what are they like / that' a good one / put in there / people / another feature / in / yeah, go on. "Do you / do you look like your own dog / people who look like their own dog 飼い犬に顔が似ている人々 / I think they do that deliberately / those people / Yeah. / I think / a bit like mine / walk up and down the street until somebody goes, "M__, m__, you look like your dog, mate." That's what they live for. それが生き甲斐 / exactly, yeah / buzz / f__, you know / buzz / they wait for people drive past and buzz them / called / Exactly. That's / like a drug. like a c__ drug / do you look like your dog / going psychologically / what do you think that's about / is it ... is it / we find __ __ deeper issues behind the ... uh ... / Deeper issues, question mark / We are going deep today. Psychologically, we are going right in there / deeper issues ? / very deep ! / very deep. This is a great show. / It is. ... We are going very, very deep. That's Feature 3. #1 is Psychic Wardrobe / holding back / inevitable disappointment / great, great great / people, what are they like? ... Oh, hang on a minute / middle of this email / do you remember? / Yes, of course, yeah. / forgotten / already. Huh. / little thing he said / OK / finish this sentence / OK. / so far, __'s very complimentary, / hilarious / download it all the time / family love it / not just most of them / he downloads all your programs. Not some of them, not just most of them, not 99%. All of them. / Every single one. / Right? Right? / and listens to them ..." Now, / how would you finish that sentence? / how would you finish that? / Uh ... / He downloads all your programs, he thinks / listens to them / I would have "constantly". / Right. I would have said that / listen to / "constantly", "all the time" ... / yes / no. Right? He thinks / listens to them when he can. 聴けるときに聴いてます / just ... "I might put it." on. I might ... I might put it on / when he's got nothing else to do. When he can.

That was, uh, Goddess on the Highway / took that moment to start eating fruit / I / just / basic maintenance on a printer / I was carrying out / basic maintenance on / printer / I think, uh, everything's now up and running, ladies and gentlemen. So, uh ... well, / anybody wants to get in touch / これでいつメールが来てもプリントアウトできる。 / nothing / say it's over-worked / I mean / at the moment, no smoke's coming off it / says "Ready" on the front __ / probably / the printer is ready. Here they come. Here comes the printer. / Strong response. Here we go. / strong response / Huh huh / Uh ... no. / see what's happened here. Oh my word / What's happened? / I thought ... right, I'm not ... this is no ex__ation / I'm gonna pass you what I've got in my hand / OK / I thought, strong response / yeah / I've got four features on __ go. One is / psychic / we don't know what it is, yeah / 2 is, "People, what are they like?" / and 3 is "Do you look like a dog?" / deeper issues / let's go / visually / how many pieces of paper am I holding / that's, that's that's ... between four and seven / I'd say about six / yeah / about five or six pieces / A4 sheets / you can see there are emails / right / see / notice anything about these / give you / just have a quick glance / yeah / just read the first line / maybe / first email / yeah, ok, yeah, ... I've read it / read it aloud / "Enjoying the show, uh ... / second one down / enjoying the show / next / paper / another one coming through here now / "Enjoying the show, sat by the pool here in / next one / enjoying the show, sat by the pool here in the D__ / next one there if you want / Enjoying the show, sat by the pool here in D__ / and ... "Enjoying the show, sat by the pool here in / D__ / so far, how many emails / has the show had / one times about eight. / So, we've got eight of the same email. / Yeah. / lot of issues here. / Yeah. / Firstly ... firstly, / hang on a minute, the BBC's just / going to __ recycling box / pretty pro__ in terms of s__ / what about / I genuinely thought we'd had a really good response 一瞬、おお、大反響だ、と本気で思ったんだ。/ just / all you've done, production team, / aware of / actually laughing out / if you could see this, listeners, they're behind the glass screen / lot / I don't know / production team, but just printing out the same email over and over again doesn't count as having more content to the show. いいか？同じメールを８回プリントアウトしたからって番組が８倍面白くなるわけじゃないんだ。Right? that ... / just as punishment, I'm not even gonna bother reading / out / look at / next one, email 2, or shall I call it email 9 ... / ... yes / is, "Hi, Rhod and host / Oh, host. Thank you, thank you. / I'm on holiday in France / sounds / the same people / it's not funny / eight / same person / D__ / one / holiday in France / I like / make / sound / you are paras__ / and / all sorts of complicated issues / tapeworm / I was the host / now / is that / me / Hi, Rhod / real host / I don't know. You b ... you know / you / not giving you / name / today / "Hi, Rhod and host." / OK. / I'm on holiday in France. I've been listening to your podcast / all week / family / long / anyway, we / stopped at at traffic lights, and so a man, not for long / not / green / I hate that / yeah / I hate that. I like to ... I like to get ready / dangerous European driving __ __ just slam straight through / I'm on holiday in France / anyway, we / and, so a man, trying to stick a poster / on a billboard. Ironically, the glue that he was using ... " Oh, god. This / hard to see / go well / this email おぞましい結果だったらどうしよう。メールを読むとき、それが心配になるんだ。最後まで読んでいいものかどうか。/ I mean / this ... this ... uh, check this out: you ... / are your juices running? / let me __ __ __ ... they're moving slowly / Mine is congealed at the entrance / just blocking / your veins / just a lump of co__ed fat / slightly yellowy as well, you know. This is the way we / anyway, we were stopped at a traffic light, an / man / trying to / poster / something with glue. / Oh, dear / Ironically, the glue that he was using was the same as was being advertised" Oh, hang on a minute. I quite like this now. / OK, OK / poster advertizing glue / stick / What's gonna happen here / Oh, it's like a 70's sitcom / the glue must have been rubbish because the poster kept falling on the floor. / check this out: Ho ho ho hoooy. / you guys are crazy. / Must be a good entry: Glue that doesn't stick its own poster to a wall それを宣伝するポスターを貼り付けることさえできない接着剤 / What is that a fea ... are you suggesting / possible feature / I love it. / put it in.

Ah, look at this. This is from S__ H__. / OK. / ... in Ohio / great name. Sounds like / innit / location, Ohio, United States / showing off, now, are you? 自慢してやがる。/ Ohio / Newport / "Dear Rhod / Eggzy / do you mind / from Ohio / been to Ohio / never been to Ohio / animals / song about it / What's it like? / Ohio / really good, actually / not the place / song's really good / I think Ohio is OK / is it? / riot there / years ago as well / something ... I don't know. Something like that / good on this stuff, are we? / No. / what's the ... what's the luxurious email / I was listening to your / last week / Saturday morning show yesterday ... Oh my god. I'm already lost. / this is like / brother's sister's father-in-law is a friend / show / OK / I was listening to your last week / listen to this / deliberatly obtuse or what / Saturday / yesterday as my Friday treat / if you are a real American / one time / that / really happy with that sentence / last week / yesterday / that's it / just, just, just bin it. Just bin it. ゴミ箱へゴー。 / Let's have the one from the D__ / OK / otherwise / waste of, uh, taxpayers's money / I love the turn / I love saying that to myself. Uh ... / ready / from the top / Dear Rhod and Eggzy / enjoying / best not to mention that / supermarket / all the locals / sideways when queueing up / checkout. Assuming this reduced / streching / shopping isles / I thought / considerate / encourage shoppers to do the same / back home. How about asking your listeners / one of the European habits / think / benefit from ad_pting / good feature / it is a great feature / jot it down in our list of features / Yeah ... I like the idea of adopting the heated argument / on the street / thing is, you ... you / these little / supermarket / abroad and stuff / space / they've got the room / yeah / got the vibe to turn your trolley sideways ヨーロッパのスーパーはさ、スペースがあるだろ。空間があるだろ。広いだろ。人のためにトロリーをよけてあげたいって気になるだろ。/ because / wider aisles and / they don't have to squeeze through a g__ of crisps and / walk sideways down / heads pressed up against a bag of m__s ... / Huh huh / supermarket __ ramming in your face / there's not enough room to have / imagine / big Tesco in Cardiff / no way / you couldn't, because, in this country / too busy / American / nice / course / all very different. I'll tell you what / habits I would adapt / I think we should have this. ... I think / we should have / sitting on benches / now, I like that. / I'd like to see / I like that / nice / every house / everything's seems all right / house / 150 years / crime would be down / oh, definitely / Wouldn't it? / v__s / little old European ninjas / if you mess around / they'll just / call / ninjas / offensive / Well, uh ... you know / possibly / I think / just the presence / keep / peace / I don't think / actually ninjas, you know 実際のところ、忍者 ... ではないと思う。/ if they are trained in martial arts / very close to the chest. / they are / So, anyway, we want that / little old ladies / sitting on / just chewing / Yeah. I like that. I like that. / I'd like to see / what would you like to see? / most __ cities / a man fixing a fishing net, uh, 'cause it gives / European fishing village / in a place / no sea / guy / fishing net / you know what I mean / pump the smell / into the city street 街に魚のにおいをポンプで吹き込む。/ like / European fishing village / I don't think you would, mate. I / Newport / pumping smell of fish into the city center / you? What's going on? / I'm not sure if that'd improve Newport as a holiday destination, mate.

I've just noticed that, um ... Kate, the producer / has put in / the playlist / Anita Dobson / Anyone Can Fall in Love / as we speak / searching for other Eastenders-based classics / like / already got / guy / Simon W__ / whoever he was / Nick B__ / Nick B__ / good, strong. Strong response / song / we'd like to hear it / I / a restaurant / and, uh, / Phil Daniels, who was in East Enders for a while / Do you know what? / hold it right there / hold it right there / hang on ... because I've got / jot / restaurant / Eastenders story / this is a great ... this is brilliant / bizarrely / just ... just / association / Phil Daniels / by the people on / little bikes / the guy from Q__, and he / videos as well / OK / Eastenders for a while / yeah / OK. And / character M__ / M__, yeah. / Jimmy and Minty were in a restaurant, next to me, four tables down. / What? Not filming? / having pizzas / actors / just having pizzas / know / actors / pizzas / what / having / I think, actually, M__ / pasta and __ creamy sauce / Did he? / Daniel / sounds about right / pizza, possibly, / uh, great meal, looked at them, and did that __ thing / Look, over there / know / did / we did this / どっちがやったんだ？向こうが？お前らが？/ 俺たちが。 / it's only, it's only / you don't say / you just mouth / it's only / you just mouth / they had their meals / then / went on / many years / until today / six listeners and yourself / yeah / wonderful / strong story / hell of a story, that is / related to / Phil from Eastenders / just to get / up-front. Mine's no better / my story is, like yours, useless. / no beginning / I was in the __ __ __ cafe in London. / Lovely. Yeah. / my local cafe / I told you the story is no good / I'm enjoying it. / out / I don't know why / get it over with / cafe / Central London / Phil from Eastenders / I always like to call / white / ain't no stopping 誰も止めることはできない / Phil from Eastenders / was ... was ... he was sat in front of / stack / that's a great story. / enormous / I've ever seen / bigger / big stack of beans, like, going up in a triangle / a mountain of beans / Classic. あるある。/ those spicy beans / you know / you know, the ... what is it? / I know / bean / what is it? / let's call them / in front of / of / bean mountain / sounds like a prog-rock group / Phil / what are you doing / behind that / bean mountain / Doing advert. What do you think? コマーシャルを撮ってる最中だ。何だと思った？/ even noticed / read / paper / looked across / being near or around / Eastenders / on the text / you can tweet @rhodgilbertshow / yes / should keep the printer busy. / few more minutes

big story about teeth / about teeth cleaning / hang on a minute. Let me find it / here / every newspaper today / basically that / advice / cleaning your teeth / conflicting / teeth experts / tooth paste manufacturers / I mean / people on adverts / there's a lot of / smile / electronic devices / all sorts of things, but ... / I can't find the thing / big どこ行ったかな ... ビッグニュースがあったんだが .../ I thought / I was thinking ... do you know what? I've only / mentioned this before / I ... cleaning / two minutes / bits of advice / piece of advice / I find ... do you do other stuff? / while / cleaning my teeth / just straight in / smash / clean your teeth / and then / finish / then walk away? / Yeah. Pretty much. / that's amazing / house / dribbling / this morning, I / I fed my dog this morning while cleaning my teeth / went downstairs / found the key / dog / garden / got its food / this / four and a half minutes / dressed while cleaning my teeth / doing / only thing I've ever done / made breakfast while / I tried / introduced / friend / very interesting concept 歯を磨きながら、座ってみたことはある。友達の提案でね。何か新鮮だった。/ do you know what? Interestingly, それはしたことないな。よし、今度やってみよう。俺は思い立ったらすぐ行動に移す男だ。/ sure / sat down / always / ever since / cause / say about / I can't not do something else. 俺ってどうかしてるかなあ。何かをしているとき、同時にほかのことをしない、ということができないんだ。 / shoe on / sock on / quite frequently I would have / tooth / quater / lorry / like / mean / tooghbrush / gums burning / yeah / gums bleeding / tell you what I did do / talking about that, talking about / mouth-burning / have I ever told anyone this / comes out now / I left the house / accidentally / I use mouth-wash / this is how ... this is how / disorganized / multi-task / so easily / said / another thing / leave / do / a little bit / ten / easy / exactly like that / but, this time, this one occasion, I used mouthwash / rinse / go to work / London / walked down the street / right in / central / mouth / just / sort of, vomit it / do you know what I mean / people everywhere / recognized a bit / it / impress anybody / green liquid / didn't / absolutely true / I had my photo taken with somebody / my mouth was full of mouth-wash / say / can I have a photo? / Mmm, Mmmm, ... / when's your next show? / green slime inside / end / ducked down / alley way / small road / somebody's garden / green / I couldn't / there / a bin at one point / trying / so many people / I can't just lean over a bin / must / I'm not ex__ing / inside / eventually / burn / that / recently / last year. / since / never done it / before or since 後にも先にもあれっきりだ。/ never leave the house / this is a great advice 教訓： マウスウォッシュを口にふくんだまま出かけないこと。

a village is suffering / plague of fries / residence / trapped indoors / This is wonderful / but slightly less hygenic ヒッチコックの「鳥」の不衛生なバージョン。/ what / here / exactly / funny / no way / village is suffering / trapped indoors / f__ies / locals / Norfork / have been forced / doors shut 'cause of the flies / like something / A__ H__ film / glass of wine the other night / had to give up / not / is it? こんなのヒッチコックの風上にも置けないよ。 / glass / give / seagulls / birds / dive-bombing our face / trying to protect / school kids / building / rear window / murders / in the garden / tries kill James thingy / glass / yeah / what / hand pours / film / every time / pour / psycho / never / oh, hang on, love / mother / glass of wine / pour / give that one up おや、ハエが見ている。しょうがないねえ。注いでしまったけれどもこのワインを飲むのは諦めましょうね。/ also / something more dramatic / stop them doing / tried to have a glass of wine, but had to give up / how far / did you get / open / pour / this is hopeless / get to taste it / yeah / way / looking / compound eyes. Look at him / horrible / never / glass of wine / give up / for any reason ワインを飲みかけてやめる、なんてやったことないよ。いかなる理由においても。 / giving / enough / forget it / re-cork this / don't care / in autumn

yes / dobson / great response / in bed / let you know now / we've, uh ... we've had / three / very good response / BBC Wales / certainly / top 10 / for the love of god, no. / ok / definitely / Dave / Germany / vote / I actually / do / actually / case / sorry, Dave / fairness and stuff like that / yes or no / yes / Anyone Can Fall in Love.

Anyone can fall in love

if you enjoyed that one, why / whole / show / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.